Aug 05 2009

How Bill Clinton Got North Korea to Release the Journalists

Published by at 7:53 am under Current Events

Who knew the North Koreans would be so cooperative this week, handing over two journalists to former US President Bill Clinton when he popped by for a visit? I like to imagine it went something like this:

NIGHT INT. KIM JONG IL’S PRESIDENTIAL PALACE

BUBBA
That tour of your slave labor camps and underground nuclear weapons labs was super-cool, Mr. Kim. And I do appreciate your rolling out the red carpet for me, since I’m just a private citizen with no real portfolio in the US government and my wife is Secretary of State. Real swell.

KIM JONG IL
Dude! Knuckles! Awwww yeeeeeeeahhh! Can’t believe I never had you over to my crib before. It’s been real.

BUBBA
Tell Ms. Park and the other Ms. Park and the other Ms. Park they sure showed me a great time. But what happens in Pyongyang stays in Pyongyang, right? Right?

KIM JONG IL
I’ll let ’em know, dawg. I know you like your bee-otches a bit more full-figured, but all the girls in my pleasure squad are on a strict diet of kim-chee and United Nations food-aid rice cakes.

BUBBA
But I got’s to confess, Jong-o. I’m not just here to chill with Mr. Il. I’m here to pick up those American journalists you got socked away. And I’m not leaving until I get them back.

KIM JONG IL
What, those bee-otches my guards picked up on the border? No, way, my warmongering imperialist home-boy. I’m going to make them my new wives. Or maybe I’ll just have them shovel poop in minus 40 degrees for the next 20 years. Haven’t decided yet. Either way, you can’t have ’em.

BUBBA
Hmmm. That’s too messed up, G. It’s cold. Real cold.

KIM JONG IL
Aw, don’t get all riled, dawg!

BUBBA
Jong-o, you done wrong. You need to let those girls go. If you’re going to be like that, I guess I’ll just go then…

KIM JONG IL
Wait! Just kidding, bro! Knuckles! Aaaawwww yeah!

BUBBA
You’re just, um, going to hand them over?

KIM JONG IL
Yeah, pretty much. Next plane out. Wha-da-ya-say?

BUBBA
Aw, G. You done played me. I’m feelin’ it. Feelin’ it right here (POINTS TO HEART). Give it here.

KIM JONG IL (HUGS BILL CLINTON)
We good now, dawg? We good?

BUBBA
We good. Alright. Got’s to go, Jong-o. You get those girls on that plane.

KIM JONG IL
Yeah, don’t worry ’bout a thang. We is brothers now, dawg.

BUBBA
Word… Knuckles

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6 responses so far

6 Responses to “How Bill Clinton Got North Korea to Release the Journalists”

  1. Boethiuson 05 Aug 2009 at 8:23 am

    Brilliant. Truly brilliant. You must have a crystal ball, or the uncanny ability to morph into a fly-on-the-wall. Bravo.

    Moron.

  2. Waiting for the Hate… « Red Tory v.3.0on 05 Aug 2009 at 11:32 am

    […] Ta-da! Sadly, right-wing douchebags ruin everything. Why? Well who really knows for sure… Possibly […]

  3. Jameson 05 Aug 2009 at 3:04 pm

    Typical Liberal BS!

  4. Earnest Canuckon 05 Aug 2009 at 10:32 pm

    I cry tears of pride, Jon, acolyte — mind if I call you acolyte? You’ve grasped the essence of political satire, which is all about *voice*, dialogue, and character as revealed though statement. Another example:

    http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/articles/2009/08/04/a_tale_told_by_an_idiot/

  5. Hunteron 06 Aug 2009 at 12:52 pm

    Grate post!

  6. KEvronon 06 Aug 2009 at 1:39 pm

    “Typical Liberal BS!”

    lol!

    KEvron

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