New Media

Maybe. Here’s a glimpse of what may be happening this Hallow’s Eve.

Hard to say, since no one living today actually speaks the same language as a giant squid-faced creature who trampled the Earth long before the dinosaurs came and went.

As an example of the difficulty involved here in judging the timing of the slimy one’s return, even the most famous saying about Cthulhu, “Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn” (“In his house at R’lyeh dead Cthulhu waits dreaming”), is often embarrassingly misspelled in such a way as to be translatable as “In a sushi restaurant in Ryloth topless Cthulhu waits tables.” (Unquotable Cthulhu)

But if not on Halloween, then when?

Dramatization of the international talks between the USA and Pakistan on the war along the Pakistan-Afghanistan border:

PAKISTAN
How dare you attack the militant thugs we’ve sworn to destroy as well?

USA
Um, ah, well…

PAKISTAN
The Taliban are attacking our people in our schools, public markets and even our supposedly secure army headquarters… and meanwhile, you’re blowing them up these killers with your drones! What do you have to say for yourself!?

USA
Um… You’re welcome?

PAKISTAN
Infidel dog! Don’t you know that only Pakistan has the sovereign right to attack the Taliban that resides within our own borders and threatens the very existence of our nation — and that we’ll take care of them when we’re good and ready?

USA
OK, then. Are you moving your army in to finish them off once and for all?

PAKISTAN
Of course! We’ve sent in two per cent of our army to do this job. And I can guarantee that less than half of our officers are actively working with the Taliban. How much more of a commitment can we possibly show to you?

USA (OPENING HIS WALLET)
OK, OK. How many more billions of dollars did you need this year?

PAKISTAN
Our glorious and independent nation is willing to accept $7.5 billion as tribute and a show of goodwill. But don’t think this gets you anything in return. Just so we’re clear, everybody here hates you. And of course, any decrease in funding next year will be seen as a sign of the most wicked betrayal in human history. Got it?

USA
Got it. It’s been a pleasure doing business with you.

PAKISTAN
Go f**k yourself.

All Canadians are advised to get vaccinated for H1N1. But the zombie virus outbreak that so recently descended on Vancouver should not be forgotten, particularly given that today is the day when freaky stuff tends to happen.

Below is a handy video tutorial on how to survive a zombie plague. Enjoy.

Pakistani militant fanatics murder over 100 Pakistani civilians. Time to steamroll the Taliban once and for all and put an end to their reign of terror?

Nah. Just blame the Yanks.

Because that will fix everything.

I’m guessing they won’t be giving the money back.

Just got back from the Big Apple. Some impressions in photographs.

Wild.

Colorful.

Triumphant.

Connected.

Strident.

Tragic.

Resilient.

Cosmic.

Surprising.

Serene.

Inspiring.