Oct 31 2009

Are the Stars Right This Halloween?

Published by at 5:42 pm under holiday

Maybe. Here’s a glimpse of what may be happening this Hallow’s Eve.

Hard to say, since no one living today actually speaks the same language as a giant squid-faced creature who trampled the Earth long before the dinosaurs came and went.

As an example of the difficulty involved here in judging the timing of the slimy one’s return, even the most famous saying about Cthulhu, “Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn” (“In his house at R’lyeh dead Cthulhu waits dreaming”), is often embarrassingly misspelled in such a way as to be translatable as “In a sushi restaurant in Ryloth topless Cthulhu waits tables.” (Unquotable Cthulhu)

But if not on Halloween, then when?

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5 responses so far

5 Responses to “Are the Stars Right This Halloween?”

  1. Earnest Canuckon 31 Oct 2009 at 7:04 pm

    Oh you are a funny one these days, Narvey. Listen, next time you see ol’ f–khead Cthulhu, slap him/ it around a little, OK? And remind him he owes Earnest $30 and I want it NOW.

    Goat With A Thousand Young, my ass. More like a thousand *excuses*.

  2. Earnest Canuckon 03 Nov 2009 at 1:52 am

    New script idea, Narv. It’s like, Cthulhu is a sweet but ditzy assistant to The Elder Gods of Insanity. I envision Ian in the role: the Mary Tyler Moore of the Horror Beyond the Stars. Pls advise,

    EC (L).

  3. Earnest Canuckon 04 Nov 2009 at 10:40 pm

    Say, J-Narv — as the DJ down at the Crawling Chaos was calling you the other night — have you heard the indie tracks of The Telltale Heart? Hideous beats, mang, hideous.

    Check out the flow on this TTH joint. They call it “Shub-Niggurath”, yo. And they ask that you cease with the deliberate misinterpretation of that:

    *Poe-Wiggaz mistake Edgar Allan for H.P.,

    Say Lovecraft and Poe are th’same all in all!

    Me, I shotgun peeps for no reason discernib-al;

    Quoth the Ravenz, Glock ’em all! Or

    Drink some Long Island Iced Tea! Iced Tea!”

    I will only add that Lovecraft Vs. Poe is the new Crips Vs. Bloods.

  4. jnarveyon 04 Nov 2009 at 10:48 pm

    Soooooooooo good.

    Also liked the script idea. I’m quite certain Ian would be on board. Yuggoth has got to be something like that freezer unit.

    Hey, did you check out the Unquotable Cthulhu? It’s at http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Unquotable:Cthulhu

    Made me laugh. Especially liked this bit:

    “It was kinda fucked up, actually. I was having a can of beer with my cornflakes one morning, and suddenly there’s this bright flash, and I’m transported back like, 180,000 years, and I’m in this totally fucked-up-looking city in the middle of, like, Australia or someplace. And then they want me to write down everything I know about modern civilization for some library they’ve got. So I did. I actually got a pretty good laugh out of it.”
    — Andrew Dice Clay

  5. Earnest Canuckon 05 Nov 2009 at 12:27 am

    Sweet, dude. You are perhaps the polar opposite of Andrew Dice Clay. There is that commonality, sure: to look upon either of you might drive men mad with gibbering fear.

    Or boredom. Jon, this whole operation is only funny because HPL and EAP were writers of that certain ineptitude the Europeans love. Honestly, it’s low-quality stuff: in the JK Rowling aisle of fiction’s supermarket. I hope to improve you and King &c., but sometimes I despair. You ain’t Cthulhu without your Hardy and Dickens, dinkweed.

    I will be sober and well-dressed at this Hycroft dealie, btw. If Sunera Thobani buys a kite and a kiss from me (speaking of UBC ladies) it will certainly be a blow against the Enemy. One wonders if cougars with Ph.ds prowl any differently from the usual kind.

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