May 02 2010

Captain Kirk for Governor General

Published by at 7:34 pm under Canada,politics

There’s been much talk lately of appointing William Shatner as our next Governor General of Canada. But I propose going a bit further than this. I’d like to see Bill in this position while playing his old role as Captain James T. Kirk. Perhaps we might amend our constitution to allow for a more robust role when representing our country on the international stage.

Some examples from the Star Trek series of what Canadians might expect in terms of messaging from the good Captain to our friends and foes:

On Efforts to Mitigate Climate Change by Tweaking the Economy
“We’ve got to risk implosion. We may explode into the biggest fireball this part of the galaxy has seen, but we’ve got to take that one in a million chance.” — Episode: The Naked Time

On Russia’s Evolution from Dictatorship to Democracy and Back Again
“Another dream that failed. There’s nothing sadder.” — Episode: This Side Of Paradise

On Iran’s Efforts to Avoid Sanctions Over Its Nuclear Program
“No more blah, blah, blah!” — Episode: Miri

On Europe’s Immigration Challenges
“Another Armenia, Belgium…the weak innocents who always seem to be located on a natural invasion route.”
— Episode: Errand of Mercy

On Reconciliation with the Taliban in Afghanistan
“Peace or…UTTER DESTRUCTION…it’s up to you.” — Episode: A Taste Of Armageddon

Captain James T. Kirk for Governor General. Look at How He Does Diplomacy!

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3 responses so far

3 Responses to “Captain Kirk for Governor General”

  1. Earnest Canuckon 03 May 2010 at 12:34 am

    The real comedy of the Shatner campaign, as you well know, Jon (because you speak exactly like him) isn’t that the candidate is an expatriate ham without accomplishments; it’s that he’s a pale Dominion-born unilingual anglo male, and thus hilariously ineligible to be head of our state. After all, as the Clarkson and Jean appointments proved, you need to be a foreign-born brown-skinned female polyglot to accede to this highest office in Canada.

    There is a tall and disenfranchised 13-year-old girl in Darfur right now dreaming of becoming the next Governor-General of Canada; to her I say, “you have a chance. That’s what Canada is all about.” And to the small white boy playing hockey on a dark pond right now outside Saskatoon, full of determination and talent; to him, I say, “Go fuck yourself, racist. Why aren’t you wearing nice dresses and presenting documentaries on the CBC?”

    t

  2. Fredon 03 May 2010 at 6:32 am

    Ah, but how long will the throne speech take when it’s read one…word…at…a…time…?

  3. jnarveyon 03 May 2010 at 7:44 am

    EC: Perhaps if Shatner hinted at a special relationship with George Takai, his prospects for the job might improve?

    Fred: Come on. Like anyone watches the throne speeches anyway!

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