Mar 08 2012
Local residents of Earth are calling for authorities to take decisive action against the Sun’s latest attack on our planet.
“This big solar storm just barely missed us,” says Jethro Middlebanks of Winnipeg, Manitoba. “It could have knocked out satellites, GPS, communications, electrical grids, you name it. We would have been sent back to the stone age. You try feeding 7 billion people without a technologically-enhanced supply system. Just try it.”
Police are looking into the incident. “This isn’t the first time we’ve had a close call like this,” says Sergeant Bob Hoskins of Lambert, NJ. “We’re doing what we can to keep the public calm. But these unprovoked attacks on our tiny blue dot of a home world really can’t go on. We need to call in the army or something.”
Military specialists collaborating with NASA are looking into the idea of firing a salvo of nuclear missiles at the Sun in retaliation. Meanwhile, a tense round of diplomacy has ensued, made worse by the Solar Ambassador’s apparent refusal to even affirm his existence, much less attend meetings.