New Media

I wrote a novel a little while back dealing with issues of the Middle East. It’s a part of the world I think about a fair bit (check out my commentary at The Propagandist). Usually, it’s because crazy bad stuff is happening there so it’s in the news. A lot of terrible things will continue to happen in 2012, but I think a few nice things will also happen with the bad stuff. Here goes:

1. Syrian President Bashar Al-Assad will be deposed. Syria may actually become a neo-Ottoman protectorate.
2. Iran’s nuclear program will be further degraded by software viruses and “industrial accidents”. No need for airstrikes. Phew.
3. Israel will continue to develop groundbreaking technology that benefits the world and is grudgingly used by BDS campaigners who never invented anything in their dumb lives.
4. Sales of the Yemeni equivalent of Gatorade will continue to go up due to water scarcity.
5. Egyptian environmentalists protesting the carbon economy will keep blowing up gas pipelines.

My latest short fiction piece in The Propagandist: Middle East Inc. and the Arab Spring. An excerpt:

“So, boss?” Hussein spurred on, trying through sheer force of will not to sweat through his old suit. “Do we have a plan?”

“I don’t think we should change a thing,” Assad said. “Our customers are fine with what we give them. Corruption, torture, terror… we have to stick to our main business offerings. That’s what we’re known for.”

Najib shook his head. “Look, boss. I’ve only been with the company a little while, but it seems to me the marketplace is changing. They’re not going for the old product line. Word on the street is the customers want freedom. Democracy.”

If you’re looking for something a bit weightier in a similar vein, you could always try my novel, A History of the Middle Eastside.

I hate that The 17 Day Diet: A Doctor’s Plan Designed for Rapid Results is the #1 bestselling book on Amazon and my novel places at #3,594,287.

I bet The 17 Day Diet doesn’t have cool-as-ice gangsters serving up Yiddish slang in the middle of bloody knife fights. So there.

Guess it’s time to bump up the marketing campaign.

Check out A History Of The Middle Eastside

If the discussions between the Arab League and the coalition of Western nations bombing Gaddafi’s military forces were dramatized:

The West
Gaddafi is killing his own people! Human rights are being violated! We’ve got to do something!

Arab League
Well, we see your point, but we think the situation requires an Arab solution.

The West
OK, what’s your solution? Are you ready to intervene?

Arab League
Uh, er, no.

The West
So you have no solution.

Arab League
Well, what do you want? This “no-fly” zone? Fine. I guess we could go along with that.

The West
You understand that a no-fly zone means someone has to take out Libya’s air defenses, right? So, you’re going to take care of that? What about other measures?

Arab League
Well, we’re fine with all measures that will protect Libya’s civilians. All necessary measures.

The West
Really? You didn’t seem too enthused a moment ago.

Arab League
Well, I mean, we might get involved. But perhaps it is better if you take the lead role.

The West
I thought you said you wanted an “Arab” solution.

Arab League
Oh yes. It’s our solution. Save the civilians. It is a good thing. We’ll get on board later. You go ahead.

The West
OK, uh, so we’re good, here. I’m glad we’re on the same page.

48 HOURS LATER

Arab League
Why are you bombing innocent civilians in Libya?

The West
We’re not. We’re bombing Libyan military forces Gaddafi is using to slaughter his civilians…

Arab League
We didn’t authorize this! It’s more Western imperialism! You are killing innocent Muslims! Jihad! Jihad! Death to the Infidels!

The West
Aw fucking hell.

With the United Nations’ authorization of all necessary measures to take down the Gaddafi regime, the world is once more looking to the USA and NATO to intervene. But Egypt is an original member of the United Nations, has Africa’s largest military and shares a border with Libya.

Will Egypt export its democratic revolution?